I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
