I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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