Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
