Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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