Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
