I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have post one night stand depression
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