p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
