we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
