I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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