Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
