i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
