i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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