I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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