In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
