her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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