I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
