You're a womanizer and a bitch.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
