On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
the liver wants what the liver wants
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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