Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
