So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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