i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
