'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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