I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize