And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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