So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
