I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
