Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize