I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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