When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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