i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
