i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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