I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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