who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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