I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize