Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
When are your genitals available?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
