grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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