That's when you crack a 10am beer
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
