you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
