dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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