She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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