i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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