Taylor Swift is so right about you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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