i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
