dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
