Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize