I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
