it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
