yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
