Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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