I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
