My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
