I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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