dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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