I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
how drunk are you?
Several
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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