I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
