its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
