I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize