Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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