I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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