if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
