I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
