I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you will always have a special place in my vag
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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