You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
