They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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