This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
