one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
