Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
