I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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