I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You left your phone here
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