Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
