drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize