so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
