Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize