Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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