My sheets look like a crime scene.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
wow bdsm is so cute
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