My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
