I accidentally had phone sex last night
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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