I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
