I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
