I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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