I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Randomize
