There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
