the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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