Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
