I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I could fuck to npr.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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