So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
