I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
