Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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