i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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