I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
