she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
