I need to stop coming to work sober
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
