I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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