i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize