Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
