It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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