I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
