I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
